Leon Czolgosz Yeah, he’s kind of a babe. But mostly I just wanted tot tell you the best story ever! Once upon a time, William McKinley was president. He wanted to like, keep the gold standard and shit. So one day, he went to the Pan-American Exposition. (That’s where they show off their new x-ray machines and cutting-edge surgical equipment and other impressive medical equipment). It was President’s Day, and he was shaking hands with URVRYWUN. I like to imagine he was really bored. Smiling, nodding, thinking about his liberal arts education or whatever, wishing he could just sit in the oval office and read Shakespeare. (I’m too lazy to actually find out if he liked Shakespeare. That’s pure conjecture.) Meanwhile, over at security, the guards were patting people down, confiscating ladies’ purses and telling people to check their nail clippers, etc etc. (There’s this one guy, though, with a phat bandage on his hand, and they feel so bad for him, they stop being such douches to everyone. So now they don’t take nail clippers.) And the guy with the bandage goes up to shake McKinley’s hand and instead just shoots him. ! And Then they decide NOT to use the CUTTING-EDGE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY on display. Why? They were either a) afraid of the radiation in the x-ray machine, or b) total idiots, or c) malicious aliens trying to take over the world by killing officials. The bandaged-hand guy was named Leon Czolgolsz, and was an anarchist.

Leon Czolgosz

Yeah, he’s kind of a babe. But mostly I just wanted tot tell you the best story ever!

Once upon a time, William McKinley was president. He wanted to like, keep the gold standard and shit. So one day, he went to the Pan-American Exposition. (That’s where they show off their new x-ray machines and cutting-edge surgical equipment and other impressive medical equipment). It was President’s Day, and he was shaking hands with URVRYWUN. I like to imagine he was really bored. Smiling, nodding, thinking about his liberal arts education or whatever, wishing he could just sit in the oval office and read Shakespeare. (I’m too lazy to actually find out if he liked Shakespeare. That’s pure conjecture.)

Meanwhile, over at security, the guards were patting people down, confiscating ladies’ purses and telling people to check their nail clippers, etc etc. (There’s this one guy, though, with a phat bandage on his hand, and they feel so bad for him, they stop being such douches to everyone. So now they don’t take nail clippers.)

And the guy with the bandage goes up to shake McKinley’s hand and instead just shoots him.

!

And Then they decide NOT to use the CUTTING-EDGE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY on display. Why? They were either a) afraid of the radiation in the x-ray machine, or b) total idiots, or c) malicious aliens trying to take over the world by killing officials.

The bandaged-hand guy was named Leon Czolgolsz, and was an anarchist.